A walk in the park.
Another assignment for school that could be more properly defined as a blessing.
I thought about a lot of different things during my period of silence and solitude on Sunday. Before starting, I had a conversation with some friends about what to do with myself during the next three hours. I shared all these ideas, but they recommended that I didn’t set out with particular goals or a destination, so I felt like finally once I began my time, I was simply ready for intimate moments with God. And that was all. I sort of felt anxious, thinking I’d get really bored and I initially wanted to bring someone with me, but eventually I was grateful that I was alone. It helped me to realize that even though I was physically alone, I didn’t feel alone at all. In fact, I felt like I was walking with God—like we were just in communication, or in silence, which was a sort communication in itself—silent communication in which God poured His peace, joy, gentleness, beauty, and love upon me.
I remember I did have to fight back my urge to look at my watch fairly often. When I would look down and realize it’d only be 30 minutes, or sometimes 15, I realized how three hours of nothingness felt so long. Then it occurred to me how often I complain about how “there’s not enough time in the day.” But doing nothing seemed to slow time down and make the day feel so much longer. In my afternoon, I felt like I had forever in front of me. Such a beautiful concept—to finally have the concept of forever hit me in the face, as a reality. I didn’t feel rushed. I didn’t feel a pressure to complete anything. I didn’t feel like I was going to run out of time. And it’s amazing that in most of our moments throughout the day—when we don’t take time to slow down—we feel like time is quickly escaping our grasp. I finally understood Ortberg’s statement, “One of the great illusions of our day is that hurrying will buy us more time.” The moment of realizing how time slowed down reminded me of a relationship. It reminded me of love and how people say, “It’s like time stops when we’re together.” Maybe being in love, be it with a person or simply resting in Love—in God Himself—makes time not seem so fast or fleeting. And again, I began to understand what Ortberg was getting at when he said, “People who love each other can be silent together.”
In my first hour, it came to my attention how we all assume God speaks to us in silence as if His voice is one booming through the quietness—like His voice suddenly becomes so clear and distinct. But for me, knowing He was there wasn’t through hearing a voice or certain words. I began to think, “What if this silence is God’s voice?” The gentleness, peace, and stillness of the mind or even of the trees and the sky—that’s a different voice than all that we hear daily. It was distinct and wonderful. Unique and enjoyable. Maybe we shouldn’t always expect to be told something specific.
In the remainder of my time, I thought about Boston. I remembered feeling alive there. There was just so much beauty. I acknowledged my desire to be there. I also noticed that the sky seemed endless. I wrote down that, “This time of silence and solitude invites honesty. Makes me feel more like myself.” I asked questions like, “What do people who don’t believe in God think of nature? Why is it so beautiful? Every delicate, vivid flower! Not even just the look, but the fragrance! Creation is the only word that fits.” My thoughts were clearer. God was present. And I would love to spend time with Him again like I did on Sunday.
posted by Emily @ 11:10 AM
1 Comments:
Breathtaking. I love your realization that silence could be God's voice. I love how well you experienced His tenderness here.
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