Praying mostly
Tonight was amazing. My head hurts really bad and I am kind of overheating because I'm physically drained from crying for so long but I learned so much tonight. I thank God for finally getting my attention. For finally just giving me a big slap in the face saying "Stop depending on other people! Know that I love you!" Thank You God...My love is so broken when I'm not getting refilled by God daily. I feel so empty on the love I can give to others and once again it's because I'm so focused on receiving love myself, yet I wasn't going to God for that. I was seeking for love from people. And we all suck at loving other people so often. Haha, so that was dumb of me...God is our only source for anything good. And I need to be in constant connection with Him in order to feel love and give love. I need to not forget how to love others. I hate that I get so caught up in gaining approval and acceptance that I stop being free to serve those around me. It's so ugly of me. Like I feel embarrassed and sad at the amount of opportunities I've missed out on. God, I pray that you will fill me with You. I pray that I can seek You first. Before everyone else and above everyone else. Please help me with my tendency to rely on other people. Help me purely enjoy the gift that they are without making them an unhealthy source of security. I want to receive Your gifts in the right way. I pray that I will constantly remember that these people around me, my friends, my boyfriend--that they are not mine. They are Yours. They are Yours. And I need to treat them like brothers and sisters. And stop focusing on myself. But God I can only do this through You. Please humble me. Please help me find You in everything. Help me not be so self-centered. God I pray that I can come to understand Your love more and more...God, I love You. Take my fears please, and my failures and help me press on towards Beauty and Love. I pray that You'll bless my relationships and help me not forget what I've learned tonight. Please instill selfless desires in me. I love You Lord. Thank You for being my Father and please help me understand more and more what that means for me in my life. This world continues to taint the images that You have identified Yourself with like Father or even the fact that we are Your bride and marriage is so ugly sometimes. Or broken. God I pray for restoration in this world. In my mind. And in my heart. I thank You for the reminder that this earth is not a good place to call Home. My Home is in Heaven with You. Praise You. Help me not get too comfortable here. I thank You for discomfort that leads me closer to You. I thank You for the words to pray right now. I pray that as I read Your word, You will help me learn more about you and I hope that Your word will sink into my heart. Thank You for who You are. In Jesus' name, Amen.
posted by Emily @ 2:09 AM
1 Comments:
Some people don't EVER come even the slightest bit close to understanding what you understand here. Most people don't achieve what you want to achieve. Like, 99% of all people go about their lives aimlessly and maybe 1% "get it." If you can master letting go of expectations of other people, you will achieve peace and joy and a freedom like nothing else can give. To rely only on God, and actually enjoy and serve others would be the most amazing achievement in one's life.
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