The world today
The world was gray today
and
I looked upon it
thinking of how it sympathized with me.
The way the light shone through the
clouds
created a beautiful brightness upon
the colorless tones.
The darkness wasn't enough to call for a
storm
but a little rain would be welcome and would
match the beauty of the day.
Light and dark.
Not too much of either.
Just very gray.
And I can relate.
Quiver.
I've been getting the chills lately.
All the time.
Other thoughts:
I wish I could write better.
There is so much I want to say that I can't articulate in the way I want.
I also wish I could express myself with a musical instrument.
Shoot.
For now, I will just sing to songs I can relate to.
And I will just think. And think. And think.
Music and writing and sleeping are my remedy.
Copeland.
I could probably use each of their songs to tell a story.
They make music that takes me back to another time in my life
in a way that nobody else has done.
And maybe in a way nobody else will ever do.
Their music forces memories out of me.
When I think I've forgotten, their songs remind me.
My heart can't help but feel when I turn on Copeland.
I feel captivated by what they've created. Always.
I can't hear a song of theirs and just pass it by.
And I love that.
We knew this would happen.
We knew that every song would be hard to listen to.
I know for me that's the case.
How about for you?
We messed up.
We forgot to stand strong against the attacks of the deceiver.
We forgot to stand strong.
We were strong in Christ.
We knew what we wanted.
We were growing.
We were being guided by Him.
And He was our fountain of love.
And we forgot.
We lost sight.
And all I can say is how sad that is.
Because we were strong.
And in love.
And at peace.
And it's almost as if it was stolen from us.
Because I know we had it.
And it fell through through our hands.
And all I can say is how sad that is.
But the only thing that brought us to where we were before
is our creative, powerful King above.
Directing each step and lifting our hearts to know Joy.
Helping us love in a way that honors Him.
So if we can hold onto that,
things will be okay.
He has us in His hands.
Hands of power.
Hands of love.
Hands of perfection.
Hands of joy.
Hands of healing.
Hands of mercy.
Hands of grace.
And we will be okay.
Encourage.
You know those seasons of life when the weight of the world just feels so heavy? Personally, that's something I'm feeling lately. And I know that heaviness is making its impression upon so many others right now.
It breaks my heart to realize how much hurting there is all around me. And sadly, I feel like as I've grown up my eyes have been opened to the reality that pain is so prevalent and life takes so many turns that can be incredibly challenging.
These past few months have been rough.
I've had friends experience sorrowful situations with their parents. The sudden loss a father. The unnerving news of cancer. The heartbreaking surprise of divorce.
I've listened to my 8th grade girls, whom I love so much, tell stories about all the chaos that they're experiencing in Jr. High and it blows my mind.
In meeting new friends at college, I've come to be reminded of all the struggles in life that make us who we are. In sharing stories with one another, tons of old memories have resurfaced for many of us, some that aren't too exciting to remember.
I felt like writing this because in talking to my friend Jade tonight, I just expressed that I don't know what I would do with the weight of the world if I didn't have a relationship with God. To have a God that invites us to put our fears, broken hearts, anxieties, inadequacies, and confusion in His hands is so amazing to me. It brings me to tears when I really take the time to process through the beauty of who He is and what He offers to those who believe in Him.
I've watched too many people give up.
And I know what it's like to want to.
But as much I've seen people give up, I've also seen the beauty in holding on.
God has a way of turning even the most horrible of circumstances into something beautiful. I see the purpose of this being that God wants to reveal Himself to us. And the funny thing is despite the fact that so often the way that God works goes unnoticed by us, He still finds pleasure in making things beautiful. In giving hope. In causing restoration. In loving us.
I pray that we will share in each others' sufferings and not let people go through the hardships of life alone.
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
//// Isaiah 40: 28-31
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
//// Philippians 4:6-7
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
//// Romans 15:13
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
//// Hebrews 4:14-16
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
//// 1 Peter 5:6-11
Fear and Love.
I feel like I keep realizing how scared of love I am. Well not pure love. But the negative effects of love, or the scary surprises it can bring.
I dislike this fear.
As silly as it sounds, the movie Valentine's Day taught me a few things. I realized a lot about myself and our society and all that jazz. The elder spouse named Edgar said something about how he wasn't going to leave his wife because love is about loving the person for everything that they are. The good and the bad. And it's so simple. And it's repeated all the time. But every time I hear it, it feels like a reminder. Not something that's constantly on my mind.
For everything.
I don't feel like I do a great job of loving people through the bad or with the bad or whatever. And I know there is so much bad in me that people love me in spite of, yet I feel like I don't always return that. That bums me out. I tend to focus on the negative and I tend to worry about what's to come or how to be prepared or how to protect myself, blah blah blah, and really this is all just me trying to be in control.
Who knew.
I want to feel a love in which I'm free. I know that I am free in Christ and I want to take that feeling of freedom everywhere with me and I want that attitude and realization to affect every area of my life. I want to have a love in which I'm not always calculating and freaking out about stupid things. And I know this is possible. I know that this exists. And I know so much of this reality happening in my life is really just up to me. I must remember that I am loved. Eternally. I have to know this in order to love other people. Otherwise, it becomes about me. And then everything gets all messed up.
I feel like anytime I think about this, it brings me back to realizing how amazing 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is. This biblical love just seems so sweet to me.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
"The first eight qualities pointed out by the Spirit are the expression of this renunciation of self. The three that follow mark that joy in good which sets the heart free also from that readiness to suppose evil, which is so nature to human nature, on account of its own depth of evil, and that which it also experiences in the world. The last four show its positive energy, which-the source of every kind thought-by the powerful spring of its divine nature, presumes good when it does not see it, and bears with evil when it sees it, covering it by long suffering and patience; not bringing it to light, but burying it in its own depth--a depth which is unfathomable, because love never changes. One finds nothing but love where it is real; for circumstances are but an occasion for it to act or show itself. Love is always itself, and it is love which is exercised and displayed. It is that which fills the mind: everything else is but a means of awakening the soul that dwells in love to its exercise. This is the divine character. No doubt the time of judgment will come; but our relationships with God are in grace. Love is His nature. It is now the time of its exercise. We represent Him on earth in testimony."
I am supposed to love this way because it is honoring to God. So even when I don't feel like it, and when my selfish motives get in the way, I must love like this.
And thank you to all the people who have demonstrated this love in my life. I think of you when I look for examples of what this looks like. And it's refreshing to see. So so refreshing.
My seasons.
My seasons are like the four.
I just re-read a blog post I wrote called
"This new season."
And it's funny because it is full of truths that I have been reminded of this week and it is full of an honesty similar to the kind I am trying to practice currently.
If I had forgotten that I wrote that and someone gave it to me printed on a piece of paper, I'd think someone came inside my brain and wrote down all that was at the forefront just now.
It was refreshing to read and helped me to remember that where I'm at is okay. But it was also sad in the sense that six months ago, I started this season I was excited about. Here I am now watching a season like that start all over again because it passed me by.
I forgot to hold onto it.
And that is why my seasons are like the four.
When each arrives--let's start with Spring--it is so exciting and new and exhilarating. There is so much to be taken in, so much fresh air to be breathed. But then the Summer sets in and the blossoming flowers of the springtime become a distant memory as the hot days of Summer begin to pass by. Then Autumn comes and Spring seems even further away. It was a beautiful time, but Autumn has its beauty as well that must be appreciated and basked in. Winter welcomes in the snow and fresh perspectives, giving off a chill that no other season does. Extending its cold hand to those who will welcome it.
And then Spring says, "Hello again."
And that all just happened to me.
Maybe not all four seasons, I guess.
Maybe Spring came early.
Or maybe this season is a little like Spring but when deeper into it, I may see that there's a title that would suit it a little better.
We'll see.
Welcome.
this love is
unsettling.
Patience and Kindness
seem to be temporary passersby,
coming as a nice surprise.
(but they're always here)
this love is
unnerving.
Selflessness and Forgiveness
make their stop into town.
(they always stay for so long)
these characters go unnoticed.
the good goes unnoticed.
the good.
the Good.
the good.
Good.
you. me. them. He.
words.
forgetting their ability to make their home in the minds
of those who never welcomed them in.
words. words. words.
thoughts.
knocking incessantly.
(they say)
it's a game.
an equation.
a matter of right of wrong.
(but do they know).
(they say)
it's about precision.
protecting.
taking precautions.
(do they realize).
taking it all in
and realizing
it has become all these things
(to me).
knocking incessantly.
incessantly.
knock. Knock.
but Who is there?
who is there...?
words?
ohh, the Word.
yes please do come in.
take a seat.
make yourself at home.
MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME.
the Word has come.
Glad.
I am glad to have heard the Gospel again today.
I love that I can hear the Gospel over and over and over and it still feels new. It still feels refreshing each and every time. Still gives me the chills and brings me so much joy. I can't think of anything else I've heard this many times that has the same effect on me. I can't think of anything that makes me feel the way that the Gospel does.
Maybe forgetting it sometimes or not taking the time to sit and ponder it is necessary so that we can be refreshed. All that crap we let build up in our heads, all those distractions, all that focusing on our mistakes, all that confusion about God, people, our families, our futures--I see how this is good because when compared to the relief and joy I feel at hearing someone explain Jesus' sacrifice and God's love to me again and again, all that stuff seems so miniscule. And it helps me put things into perspective again. God's love orrr the crap in my mind. Hm, well I'd rather just focus on the His love all the time. It's much simpler. And much more beautiful.
I've been watching videos by different pastors trying to figure out what to talk about with the 8th graders whom I love so much at c-group tonight. I've watched messages on specific passages of Scripture. I've watched videos about getting through the hard times and how God carries us through if we rely on Him. I've learned a little bit more about how we get so lost and consumed in our own narrow view of the world around us. Then I landed upon one called "Just Stop and Think." And this one made me cry, made me feel at peace, created this sense of stillness, and just brought me back to the refreshing thoughts I've just shared. I just wanted to write about it all, because admittedly, I have a tendency to forget. We all have a tendency to forget. And that's such a shame.
A thousand piece puzzle.
Tonight, I was thinking of how life is like a thousand piece puzzle.
There are so many pieces.
You begin to put them together, typically starting with the edges.
Finding the corners and flat pieces help you feel like you have the basic frame, a foundation.
Then you find random middle pieces and try to put those together.
There are blues so you put them with the blues.
You find what looks like an eyebrow and you try to find the one that goes with it, so you search for what looks like an actual eye. You put those together and feel a sense of accomplishment.
Then you see the pieces with buttons and put them near the solid yellows assuming there is some sort of jacket in the picture.
All of that.
You set your puzzle in a safe place, letting people know they can look, "But just be careful around it because I don't want it to get messed up. I've spent a lot of time on it. But yeah, go ahead and enjoy it."
Sometimes people get to help you with it. "Put this piece here. Yeah, that's good...Oh yes! Perfect! I've been looking for the one that goes here. Now that corner is finished!"
Then that person comes along who doesn't seem to care. They might pull a piece or two out. Look at them individually. You wonder why but you just let them do their thing.
Then you meet the person who has been secretly working on a section of it. Pulling pieces out of the box when you weren't looking. But you're grateful because they have assembled maybe a hundred or so. There are holes, but you've been holding those pieces wondering where they go. So now you can simply put that person's work within yours. And then together, you finish it off.
Then another person comes by and accidentally spills their water all over a portion of the puzzle.
"Ahhhh, seriously?"
But you just let it go. It was only water. Wait for that part to dry and then just start again. They surprise you when they offer to dry it off for you. After all, it was just a mistake. The water kind of shriveled up the design, blending the colors and wearing through the paper on top. There are water spots on the brown underneath. But it's okay. They made their mark.
But then there's a person who walks by and kicks out a whole section.
"Oops. Sorry 'bout that!"
"Ahhhh, seriously?"
"Oooh, sorry."
And then they don't try to fix it. They just leave you to start that part over again. The pieces aren't everywhere, but they're disassembled. And that's a bummer. For a while you feel defeated, but then you admit that it's all right. That you're sad they just walked on by. Did damage and just left. But it's okay. You have to finish your puzzle. And you're getting used to these types of things happening.
You find out that the person from earlier has put together another hundred pieces. There are holes, but you've been holding those pieces wondering where they go. So now you can simply put that person's work within yours. And then together, you finish it off.
With this comparison, one can't say the puzzle gets finished really. At least I don't think that works.
After all, some of the many pieces may not even be in the box, really. But you'll never really know.
I am what I hate.
Here I am again. Hating things about myself.
No pity please. I'm just being honest.
Typing in my blog site and seeing that the title is actually "being honest" made me feel like writing this more.
I'm just gross lately.
I wrote this at work the other day:
"I feel like lately I've been that girl who expects the worst of people and of life. Easily let down. Not hopeful. Self-centered. I'm so quick to respond, reacting poorly most of the time, putting blame on others and sometimes venturing to take responsibility for my own actions and then fearing that the other person involved will get by knowing I'm prone to apologize and they're able to take advantage of that. Then hurt me again in the future. I make things a big deal that aren't. I don't always receive the love others try to give me. I find myself wanting to be alone. I feel like the love that surrounds me is conditional. And God's sometimes feels that way to me too, but saying that doesn't sound right but I haven't spent enough time with Him lately, reading His word, to know for sure. I'm housing bitterness. And it doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like it belongs inside of me. And it makes me feel like I don't know myself because it's so foreign. I have double standards. I get upset with others for the same things I find myself doing. The girl who I am isn't my favorite and it seems understandable that others would like her. Her. Third person. Not how I like to talk about myself. I want to be easy going. I want to be laid back. Emanating light and giving off gentleness. I want to love well. I want to be patient and let things go and not get so overwhelmed and emotional. I want to understand others and feel understood. I want to be less selfish. I need Jesus."
I figured I might as well type this out.
It's on my mind all the time.
I'm on my mind all the time.
I don't like feeling like I have enemies.
I think that's a huge part of what brought me here.
Not to blame those people, because I should never respond this way.
It's a sure test of my character.
It's easy to tell others to be around those they feel judged by. It's easy to encourage others to be the better person, to forgive, to love their enemies. And when I've had the option of doing these things myself, I've failed.
And I don't feel strong enough sometimes to do what I know is right, what I know would honor God.
"But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you. If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful."
:: Luke 6
Jesus teaches some amazing things. To ask this of His followers is really awesome.
I read this and realize this is the opposite of what I'm doing. This really does feel like the unnatural response in the situations I'm in. So praise God that what He asks of His followers is something unnatural, something that people aren't prone to do, something that we need His strength for.
Salt. Light. Loving in this way.
Though the flock may be cut off from the fold,
And there be no herd in the stalls—
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength;
:: Habakkuk 3
He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you,
for My strength is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore most gladly i will rather boast in my infirmities,
that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches,
in needs, in persecutions, in distress, for Christ's sake.
For when I am weak, then I am strong.
:: 2 Corinthians 12
Let's do this.
Resting.
Having Landon in my life is such a huge blessing. I rarely put names to blogs, (Yazz's being the other exception), but I am delighted to be in a relationship with him so I feel free to write his lovely name. (Yes, I even like his name a lot.)
I love that we can't help but smile when we look at each other.
I love that driving 100 miles today with him only felt like 10.
I love when he sings along with songs on the radio and doesn't know the words because I still get to hear his beautiful voice.
I love that we are so aware of how much we have to learn.
I love that he helps me direct my heart towards the Lord.
I love that he is always trying to understand me better.
I love that Lan wrote this to me tonight:
"I see why God said his creation was good every time I see you."
Thinking of how God has been transforming that heart of his fills me with happiness.
It breaks my heart when I hear of other people speaking of a love they're looking for, waiting for. But it does make me so incredibly grateful that God has put Landon in my life to challenge, encourage, teach, and love me better with each passing day.
I have been learning a lot about being secure in Christ and in my femininity and something in the book Captivating related a lot to my last post about opening my heart up and trusting God to protect me.
Here are some of the truths in that book that recently stayed with me:
"Webster defines 'risk' as exposing one's life to the possibility of injury, damage, or loss. The life of the friends of God is a life of profound risk. The risk of loving others. The risk of stepping out and offering, speaking up and following our God-given dreams. The risk of playing the irreplaceable role that is ours to play. Of course it is hard. If it were easy, you'd see lots of women living this way."
1 Peter 3:5-6 // For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
"The reason we fear to step out is because we know that it might not go well. We have a history of wounds screaming at us to play it safe. We feel so deeply that if it doesn't go well, if we are not received well, their reaction becomes the verdict on our lives, on our very beings, on our hearts. We fear that our deepest doubts about ourselves as women will be confirmed. Again. That we will hear yet again the message of our wounds, the piercing negative answers to our Question. That is why we can only risk stepping out when we are resting in the love of God. When we have received his verdict on our lives--that we are chosen and dearly loved. That He finds us captivating. Then we are free to offer."
I find that pursuing God and seeking Him above all else is the most satisfying thing in life. When I rest in God's love, I am free. I am free to take risks. To love others. To be loved by others. It is a scary world out there, let's be honest. And I know there will be times when I will get hurt. Things I won't understand. Things that will drive me crazy as I try to figure them out. Life isn't this easy journey, but something about knowing God and living with the love of Christ in my heart and mind gives me this peace and confidence to face each day. I am so grateful. God, You are so good. Thank You for loving me. It is by Your love that I can love other people and I know that at the end of the day, Your love is what holds me. What sustains me and satisfies me. And lets me know I'm protected. Thank You.
"God asks us to be vulnerable. He invites us to share and give in our weaknesses. He wants us to offer the beauty that he has given us even when we are keenly aware that it is not all that we wish it were. He wants us to trust him. How it turns out is no longer the point. Living in this way, as a woman alive, is a choice we make because it is the woman we want to be. It is our loving response to our Lover's invitation."
Lately,
Lately, I've been coming to terms with the fact that there is a lot of fear in this heart of mine.
I feel myself grabbing hold of it and trying to protect, trying to make sure nothing goes wrong, that nothing surprises me. I want to be prepared for pain.
Lately, I've been so inspired to enjoy life in a new way. I want to stop trying to brace myself for what's to come. I want to experience life with all that I have and risk getting hurt. And cry when I need to. And feel love when it's there.
I don't want to run away from love.
I have this idea that creeps into my mind that things really might be too good to be true, that I will always get hurt. And I live life half-heartedly because of this mentality.
I never know what to expect but I try to anticipate the steps ahead. Whenever I hear about other people talking about how they have to give their plans to God, I think of how I don't have these specific goals and dreams and plans for my life. But really, I think I do. And I think that plan is to not get hurt. That plan is to prepare and protect.
I want to give my heart fully to the Lord.
I want to be so wrapped up in His love that I live in the freedom of His son.
I want to trust that He'll protect me. That He is strong enough.
I never do these...
But I've seen a lot of other people dedicate posts to one person.
And I've decided to do that.
Yazz, here you go.
Yazzy:
She loves Helvetica with me. And surprisingly, has seen the documentary as well! How many people watch font documentaries? Not many. And how many know they even exist? We did.
She just told me that she was interested in graphic design. Not surprising. Why? Because Yazz does almost everything. She doesn't really surprise me anymore with things because I expect her to tell me new fun facts about herself every time we talk. So just because she doesn't surprise me doesn't mean she doesn't fascinate me. She's fun.
She knows what it's like to be a thinker. And sympathizes with me. But I'm convinced she thinks waaaay more than me. Her brain is just bigger. And wonderful. And holds so much valuable information. I'm impressed with the ability God's given her to retain information. And correct information at that.
The other day when I told her I had a newly discovered fascination with Benjamin Franklin and George Whitefield, she told me she had Benjamin's whole biography-thing. Of course.
Her Twitter? Praises in everything she sends. Her blog? Bible verses everywhere. Our conversations? Edifying and fulfilling. I love it.
She has been through so much. And is so strong. The Holy Spirit has renewed her strength over and over and over. And I love to watch her grow. She is so dang passionate. She loves ministering to Jr. High girls. She loves helping those with autism. She loves high school students. She loves to sing. She loves to lead. She loves to be the friend that people come to. She prayerfully listens and responds when necessary. She has a passion for Truth. She has a passion for the Word. She has a passion for the Spirit. She has a passion for her friends.
She writes. Draws. Gets tattoos. Paints. Decorates her room. Moves a lot. Sews. Makes felt owls. Writes. Reads. Studies. Gets excited. Digs deep. Writes notes. Makes bracelets. Dresses well. She asks questions. She gives advice. She seeks wise counsel. She encourages. She knows what to say. She gives hugs. She listens. She talks. She teaches. She exhorts. She overcommits because she loves to help and do new things and discover all the mysteries of life. And as much as she probably feels way too busy sometimes, I think it's adorable how much she loves to be involved and sometimes just can't say "No."
She has lived everywhere. She's traveled a lot. She can tell you the best cafes to go too and the fun stores to shop at. She takes pictures. She loves memories. She loves the seasons. She wears cute rain boots. She shares her rain boots.
Yazz.
She is a blessing.
Her passionate love for Jesus
overflows.
And I hope she knows that
City of brick.
It's not that I have the desire to be where you are
because I'm lacking anything here.
I'm not.
Sufficiency is here, but something about you still attracts my heart.
Pulling me toward the east.
As if to say, "There's more waiting for you here."
And I eagerly await the mystery.
I can't get you off my mind.
And I don't quite understand.
Your chilling winds and blankets of snow.
I dream of what the seasons would have to offer me.
I imagine lying in your gorgeous fields of grass
surrounded by welcoming trees full of blossoming flowers.
The birds would keep me company and the presence
of my Lord.
And I feel it here.
But it seems like more of a glimpse.
Something beckons me to the east.
And I can't get you off my mind.
God, settle this curiosity inside of me.
I want to watch the sunrise.
And be greeted in the morning with vivid rays
and the painted canvas of the sky.
The morning chill there to stay.
Not a fleeting surprise, but more like a close
friend greeting me each new day.
I can't sleep, thinking of you.
Your brick buildings rich with history.
Your calm waters and strong bridges.
I had to write to get these thoughts of you off my chest.
Out of my heart and mind and onto the paper.
I don't want to have to envision you in my mind
Or stare deeply into photographs of your beauty.
I don't want you to be a memory.
I want you to be within my grasp.
I want memories to be made in your presence.
Don't seem so distant.
Don't shy away from me.
We'll meet again.
And hopefully this time I'll stay.
Fall would invite me in saying,
"Let us change together."
Your leaves making me feel at home.
And as Winter joined in,
I'd adjust in its beauty and mystery.
By Spring, I'd say with confidence,
"We will grow together."
And as Summer finally greeted me,
I'd be satisfied in the heat of its blazing sun.
