Fear and Love.
I feel like I keep realizing how scared of love I am. Well not pure love. But the negative effects of love, or the scary surprises it can bring.
I dislike this fear.
As silly as it sounds, the movie Valentine's Day taught me a few things. I realized a lot about myself and our society and all that jazz. The elder spouse named Edgar said something about how he wasn't going to leave his wife because love is about loving the person for everything that they are. The good and the bad. And it's so simple. And it's repeated all the time. But every time I hear it, it feels like a reminder. Not something that's constantly on my mind.
For everything.
I don't feel like I do a great job of loving people through the bad or with the bad or whatever. And I know there is so much bad in me that people love me in spite of, yet I feel like I don't always return that. That bums me out. I tend to focus on the negative and I tend to worry about what's to come or how to be prepared or how to protect myself, blah blah blah, and really this is all just me trying to be in control.
Who knew.
I want to feel a love in which I'm free. I know that I am free in Christ and I want to take that feeling of freedom everywhere with me and I want that attitude and realization to affect every area of my life. I want to have a love in which I'm not always calculating and freaking out about stupid things. And I know this is possible. I know that this exists. And I know so much of this reality happening in my life is really just up to me. I must remember that I am loved. Eternally. I have to know this in order to love other people. Otherwise, it becomes about me. And then everything gets all messed up.
I feel like anytime I think about this, it brings me back to realizing how amazing 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 is. This biblical love just seems so sweet to me.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
"The first eight qualities pointed out by the Spirit are the expression of this renunciation of self. The three that follow mark that joy in good which sets the heart free also from that readiness to suppose evil, which is so nature to human nature, on account of its own depth of evil, and that which it also experiences in the world. The last four show its positive energy, which-the source of every kind thought-by the powerful spring of its divine nature, presumes good when it does not see it, and bears with evil when it sees it, covering it by long suffering and patience; not bringing it to light, but burying it in its own depth--a depth which is unfathomable, because love never changes. One finds nothing but love where it is real; for circumstances are but an occasion for it to act or show itself. Love is always itself, and it is love which is exercised and displayed. It is that which fills the mind: everything else is but a means of awakening the soul that dwells in love to its exercise. This is the divine character. No doubt the time of judgment will come; but our relationships with God are in grace. Love is His nature. It is now the time of its exercise. We represent Him on earth in testimony."
I am supposed to love this way because it is honoring to God. So even when I don't feel like it, and when my selfish motives get in the way, I must love like this.
And thank you to all the people who have demonstrated this love in my life. I think of you when I look for examples of what this looks like. And it's refreshing to see. So so refreshing.
posted by Emily @ 1:13 AM
0 comments
